Today, June 20, at 8am, I got into a minor accident. I was crossing the road in Mariwasa, to where I would ride the next tricycle to my next stop. I was already on the other lane, when a motorbike, legally on the wrong side of the lane then came by me swiftly, hitting me on the hips, and causing me to collapse. I sat there in the middle of the road for a few seconds which seemed like forever. I was stunned, I barely realized my hips were already throbbing and red.
For a moment there I was in shock.
My brain couldn’t digest what was happening.
I felt like…well actually, I don’t know what I felt. I just sat there, clutching my bag, my heart in a calm pound (is there such a thing?), staring at the motor and the guy who had hit me. I don’t know what I felt, what I was doing there just sitting there.
Some tricycle drivers had rushed over to me, helping me up and calling the man back to come for me. They helped me to sit on a bench and then called the man. The man came on his motor and they helped me hop on the motor so he could take me to the nearby hospital.

Before we left, I smiled at those who helped me. I smiled. I didn’t feel a single trace of fear in my bones. On the way, he was talking to me, saying I wasn’t careful, I wasn’t looking, I didn’t know how to cross the road. I felt like I couldn’t hear anything but heard what he said. I was like in a trance for sometime, like I was just watching everything that was happening to me.
My hand was shaking as I was writing my name. I was listening and not listening to the man as he kept talking and explaining himself to the doctors who had apparently realized that unlike him, I was silent and refused to explain myself. One of the doctors, maybe had realized that his self-explaining ranting about was a part of his guilt and he asked me who’s fault it was. I couldn’t get myself to answer properly. But he kind of understood. He said they’d take care of me there. Because I am 18years old and of legal age, they asked me if I wanted them to refer me to a hospital with a medical lawyer. I was shaking, I seem to recall that my jaws had been shaking that time too. I managed to say no, as I had been thinking that legalities right now would be a no-no to my family situation and all I wanted that time was to get to school.

I was tested for any abdomenal injuries, internal injuries and had to take a urinalysis just in case my kidney was affected. The man paid for the bill but he was gone before I was prescribed something for the pain. I remember that it was painful. I just don’t remember that I felt it. I was given 300php for the bills and a bit of compensation I guess, I don’t know what I felt, but I thought happy. To have earned money at a time like that. I don’t know why it was the only thing that entered my mind. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I was in a trance until I arrived at school. It was only then I had realized that I had been on the verge of death. It was only then it struck me that I had been so oblivious to the fact that I hadn’t even realized that and had been smiling and thinking otherwise the whole time. I just wanted to sit and cry. I wanted so much to cry.

My ever-so called friends I don’t know if I even call them that right now, didn’t even ask me how I was. Or if I had any injuries. They even teased me about why I was in school and not in the hospital. They were so teasing the whole day that it kind of hurt me. I didn’t say anything of course. They couldn’t even tell that I was on the verge of tears already. The whole day. I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell my sister about the accident. She’d freak and she’d worry. She doesn’t need that now. I was so blanked out and yet thought so many things that I didn’t know what to feel anymore.