Now, I’m not a nun. Nor do I admit to some kind of Clean Teen bull. But something’s been bothering me lately. Okay, so not lately, but for quite some time now. It’s quite a topic I’ve never really touched about with other people but I’m quite sure many wonder about it as well.
What is pre-marital sex and what’s the difference between it and sex after marriage? Why is it so important to wait? But why wait?
I grew up in a society where sex before marriage is kind of like mortal sin. I’m Catholic, my parents stated how hard it was to be pregnant and all the consequences of pre-marital sex. I had Catholic teachers, those who emphasized that sex should be after marriage and I grew up in a way where I learned that sex wasn’t important.
Unfortunately, the rest of the world didn’t think so.
I came across a friend some months ago. He was such a unique person, he was so strong in personality and yet he had gone through many difficult things. He was different. He viewed life in such a different way – in such an open mind that he inspired me; he changed me and my views and affected me in some ways. His name is Esteban*. My friend, Esteban liked sex. He didn’t believe in sex after marriage and when I asked him why, he delivered a simple but convincing answer.
“What’s the difference? Would God not honor a love out of marriage? Would marriage – now only a symbol – be the only way to express love? Wouldn’t it be the same hypocritical answer that’s even truer than divorce after telling God they’d be together forever?”
I started to think. Of course, after growing up in a world that was so protected, so narrow-minded, I couldn’t disagree entirely.
I don’t know how to judge God really, but I was sure he wasn’t as narrow-minded as I was. I didn’t think he’d disregard a love that could be true out of marriage. And Esteban was right. Those who got divorced after getting married are even more hypocrites than these unmarried lovers are. After professing your eternal love in front of God, you get divorced after a month? And nope, I don’t think there’s annulment in Heaven.
So why should you wait after marriage? And why shouldn’t you?
I don’t exactly know where this blog post is heading to. I guess that depends.
In my opinion about it right now, is that maybe the question being asked is wrong. Maybe the question should be:
“Are you ready for sex? Why?”
That’s a whole new question I know. I think that’s the right question now, because it depends on whomever I’m asking – whomever this question pertains to.
It’s not really about marriage anymore, is it? It’s about commitment. You know there’s commitment and consequence that follows after pre-marital sex which leads every person to think that they must wait after marriage – when their husbands won’t leave and their husbands can handle the consequences that follow.
Maybe those who say they want to wait for marriage are just using marriage as an excuse to say they aren’t ready for sex – physically, mentally, emotionally – and sometimes, they’re right.
I mean, come on. What does some pre-marital sex end up in? Abortion, adoption, dead babies, missing parents, dead teenagers, raped teenagers, teen mothers, teen fathers, teenagers who lose their dreams because they now have a family to structure themselves on.
How do you know you’re ready for sex then? Why are you ready for sex?
Are you in love? Do you even know what love is? Or does love and commitment mean 2 very different things now?
Do you even know what you’re getting yourself into? Do you know what sex really means? Do you know the consequences brought my sexual encounters? Or do I have to mention the hundreds of problems caused by it?
Are you ready for the tears you suffer when he or she leaves you? (Okay, so this is more for the girls.)
Are you ready to suffer alone when you find out you’re pregnant?
It’s such a hard decision to make, pre-marital sex and to some, maybe it should be more of a cautionary to question your reasons before having sex.
So let’s go back to our first question:
What is pre-marital sex and what’s the difference between it and sex after marriage? Why is it so important to wait? But why wait?
I guess the difference between pre-marital sex and sex after marriage is simple: commitment.
While those that have pre-marital sex aren’t committed, they can undergo many problems – relationship, emotional, mental and physical; the married people can undergo these problems together.
And although there’s still the touchy part of divorce after marriage, at least when you’re married, you’ve given yourself to that one person you truly tried to have everything with. (Seriously, read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris)
And it’s important to wait not for marriage but for yourself. For yourself to be ready, to know the consequences, to be matured enough to want it, to know what sex comes with and to appreciate sex in a respectful way.
I may sound quite convincing myself here, once you read it once or twice, but I myself is confused.
There’s always this fear in you before you give yourself up especially at your first time. This fear that when you wake up, would you still be the same? Would he or she still love you the same way? Would he or she still be there?
Getting over that fear the first time is the hardest. It’s some kind of barrier that you’ve jumped, especially to all girls out there; like an obstacle that you’ve finally gone through. Because once you go through, there’s no turning back. You can’t bring yourself back, nor can you virginize yourself again. (Seriously, what are you? Dean Winchester, Supernatural Season 4?)
Once you go through that barrier, there’s a lot on the plate: some good, some bad. Some advantageous, some not. There will be consequences and you’d have to move on through it all. If you’re not married, you’d have to go through this yourself, emotionally, mentally, physically – even if you’ve got a lover.
After the first, there’s a lot of possibilities.
The real question is:
Are you ready for what’s out there?
Then I guess the choice on whether or not to give it at a certain age depends entirely on the person. Love and commitment shouldn’t just be the basis. Nowadays, career and self-respect has to be taken into mind before plunging into the risky but natural world of sex.
*Esteban is changed for privacy purposes.
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