For you, you f^cking asshole.

Sorry for the language, guys. I’m just in a really, really, really bad mood. I can’t believe there are actually guys like him. And pathetic as it may seem – guys I was (alright, alright, am) attracted to.

Suddenly, you’re all I see again.
You’re like the most beautiful scenery in the world,
Every single time I look at you.
You’re like the light that shines through my window
On bright mornings after a storm

You’re all I see again
In that crazy spiked and colored hair
In that newly grown, manly hair above your lips
And beautiful, knee-shaking smile
Forming from your naturally pinkish lips

You’re all I see again
With the sourness of our love
I can’t ever forget
The beauty behind each tear
And love beneath each frown

You’re all I see again
Despite the many men that have come to pass
Despite the men that have lied and loved
The many men that have ruined me
And made me bitter and angry

You’re all I see again
And somehow I still want to believe
With you it’s like magic
With you it’s just like the beauty of Christmas day
With you it’s just so simple

With you, I’m me
And with you, I’ve got everything I need
With you there is hope
And with you there is love
When I see you again.

To See You Again
~010710Adrian~

I literally am angry at him.
And worse, I’m angry probably because I still have the strongest feelings for him that I’ve never had for anyone else. Just for him.
It’s a long story and I’m afraid I can’t really tell it all. It’s too embarrassing on my part. Okay, so maybe someday I will tell you. After I blog about my Christmas and New Year. How was your vacations everyone? Did it suck as much as mine did? If it didn’t, good for you.

This is the last in the Playboy series. Hopefully, I find someone else to inspire me like he did. I’m not really sad. In fact, I’m quite happy it’s over. Just for everyone to know, I finally ended it with him. I told him I didn’t feel any security with him and wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. I guess it’s true. I’m not ready for a relationship with someone who can’t handle a relationship with me. I need someone better. Someone who’ll treat me way better. Someday I’ll find my prince. When I do, he’ll be so much better.

The days go by now slowly
Your inspiration I lose, I cannot feel
The days we had together just doesn’t feel real

I look across to you in the fields
Our minds reading, our heart’s at end
My heart doesn’t jump, I don’t feel the flip
The nothingness new to me

It’s sad I had to let go of you
It’s sad to know you won’t fight for me
It’s sad to know we’re not going anywhere
The ending, chaos yet a sigh of relief

I really thought we could have had something
Your playboy heart I thought I could change
It turns out I can’t and I don’t want to hurt any longer
Letting you go is a decision I hungered

The fact is we’re over and it feels so empty
Yet I’m happy, no toys, no games
My heart is safe and I’m not your second
The circles we play is not so fun
The point is we’re finally done

I don’t regret losing you
Nor do I regret wanting you
I do hope someday, before mountains crumble
And I’m 85
I do hope you’ve changed and live happy
Life starts the moment we’re over.

Over
-vaughn9.42am 11-29-09-

See! I just can’t get enough of him! He really keeps my thinking caps on! I just can’t get enough of him! What do I do?????

I know from you I need to stay away
It’s my foolish heart I can’t make obey
Placing my heart on a very thin line
Wondering if you’ll ever really be mine

I don’t know what to expect from you
Wishing that my heart would finally come to
I know I deserve someone better
But for me there’s just no other

I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to say I love you so
I don’t know how I’d feel if you’d gone
I don’t know how I’d feel all alone

You play me so well
I don’t know how your words sell
Whatever you say completely blows me
The real you I refuse to see

Pinch this foolish heart of mine
And let me see how you really shine
Your playful heart I cannot fall for
Pain is something I really don’t want more

Foolish Heart
-vaughn 111309 1.07pm-

This is my 3rd poem in the Playboy Series.

It hurts to know that I am falling
Painful to realize that I keep hoping
For a love like yours, I knew too good to be true
Feeling stupid for having been mesmerized by you

I knew too well where this would end
Reality of you I thought I could bend
In the end you’re still holding a playful heart
Like the one I knew even from the start

How painful it is for me to take all the blame
Falling for him puts me at a real shame
After knowing his past and getting all the warning
My heart still went on and kept falling

I don’t know how to let go
I’m heading for a broken heart, I should know
I’m not sure how to move on
Feeling bitter at knowing it’s you who’s won

Un-mesmerize me, leave my heart alone
And please don’t peel my being to the bone
Your charming power I hope to get over
You and this pain I hope to forget forever

Un-mesmerize Me

-vaughn1.57am 111109-

He’s got the smile of such sweet lightning
And the eyes alike the stars twinkling
He’s got the charm of the warmest gentleman
And the childlike humor of no other human

He can make the room brighten with his loud laughter
My heart melting, his whole being every factor
He stands out in a room full of brilliant diamonds
My soul latching onto his soulless bonds

He’s got everything a girl may ever want to have
And the things I swore I’d never fall in love
He can probably have every girl he’d choose to go for
Whatever number they may be, they’d even want more

He looks like Christmas – so beautiful and so fair
Underneath it all, he could be your worst nightmare
He can hurt you like you never thought you could
And break your heart into pieces, depending on his mood

He can look you in the eye and tell you such sweet things
And later find out these are not his real feelings
He’s the most beautiful devil there is
His claws beneath his wings we all miss

I fall anyway for this devil in disguise
Falling and believing in his angelic lies

The Playboy
-vaughn 1.27am 111009-

I really like this series. I haven’t been writing like this continuously in a long time. The problem is, if I continue like this, it’ll only get worse in real time. Ugh. I feel like a drink. A heavy drink. Or clubbing.