Family Picture taken in Baguio

I wrote this poem for my mother who I don’t really always see eye to eye with. I’m kind of really the outdoorsy type and she hates it when I go out even though I’m already 19. I love her to bits, I do but we constantly fight – sometimes so much that I don’t even know why we fight. My mother lives in Papua New Guinea with my Dad and I kind of grew up without them so they don’t know me that well.

We couldn’t really send a gift, so we did this at Jolibee on Mother’s Day and we sent the pics to her.

Taken as a Mother's Day present for my Mother

She and I fought beyond all odds
She had thoughts and I had doubts
I loved her to bits but I never showed such
She took me wrongly and said I was too much.

She cried and bade me goodbye
She said I’d hurt her and I didn’t know why
She told me I’d changed
And was becoming deranged.

It hurt me to know she couldn’t trust me enough
I was lost and lonely, not all that tough
But I went on, regretting not a lot
She grew angry and thought I should not.

She said so many hurtful things
Protested with all my doings
She put me down most of the time
And even took all that was mine.

Yet in the end, I was at a loss
Losing her would be too much of a cost
I love her and I always will
Some things will always be still.

She may have been wrong, she may have been right
And I could have fought with all my might
Beyond that, she’ll still be my mother
No matter what, she’ll always be forever.

Mother's Day

If my mother every reads this: I love you so much. =)

I wrote this poem before I went into college. I was choosing between 2 courses and I was so confused and had so little time left.

Dreaming one night there was a lot to see
I was stuck in the wilderness, a feeling in me
There were 2 roads to turn into and choose
Care in my decision is a must for one I must lose.

My passion and love is one road I could take
Yet looking at the future, it could all be a mistake
A sacrifice is on the other, road awaiting
A future I can see, so sure and so tempting.

Which to choose I know not
Decision is a must for I could lose a lot
Deep down inside I am tearing apart
Blind and deaf to the calling of my heart.

I wonder what it is that my heart calls
Pounding hard to break down all the walls
Help me choose, send me a sign
Lord God, help me for my future’s in line.

“The greatest decision in life is which road to take…”
“It may be your first regret, but a regret that may never heal…”
April 14, 11:49pm

Okay, so this poem is a 6 part poem, it’s actually meant for a college group of friends I used to have. When I fell into depression some time ago, they all disappeared. It’s not that I have bad feelings or anything, I guess I’ve moved on. I wrote this one time, when I realized that there wasn’t really anything to look forward to in them. I thought I had to explain and I’m not very good with words so I wrote it in a poem. Anyway we don’t have contact anymore and I’m kind of glad. They’re like this drug or something, and I have to admit I really do care about them. It just really hurts that they don’t seem to care the same way about me and I’m not yet ready to forgive them for disappearing on me when I needed them the most. So, I realized it was over and I just wanted to move on from them, I kind of cut the communication.

I don’t regret being friends with them though. I still remember many of our memories, I was just done with all the lies and pretentious stuff.

My group of friends now.

I love them and I thank you for being such good friends.

All the more thankful to those friends who’ve stuck by me ever since high school, I love you guys so much. Especially to all my Antiox family, BBS family, and Tohts. =)

Gem Dilag and I

Kristel Figueroa and I

I
I used to think I was a part of a circle
A friendship that sprung from a single interest.
Days went by and I was so sure
We’d be together holding a friendship so pure.

But then I hit a low point in life
I longed for someone to help me in strife
No one came, none from the group
Devastated, I felt like a doop.

I waited for long, I waited too long
I wondered why none even tried
Was the circle a lie?
Or was the friendship meant to die?

I then realized, the moment I became me
I was never a part of them
I was never a part of that circle
I was not an outsider, yet not on the inside.

I don’t blame them for never coming.
I won’t blame them for never realizing.
I don’t blame them for laughing.
Nor am I doing this to make them feel guilty.

II
After all this years, yes, it was meant to be
I don’t regret the times I spent
But now, I don’t remember why I was there
There was a link but not so strong.

I just had to tell the circle and its bind
To keep alive and keep on going
I was never a part of this circle
Simply because they never got to know the real me.

They all have the same interests, the goals, the laughter
And at that time, I never had.
Now I do, and they don’t know
I was never with them and they never knew me.

It’s sad to end a friendship that could have been
It’s even sadder to pretend there was ever one
No blames, no claims, no cries, no more lies
I’ve lost the circle, and I don’t belong in it anymore.

No cries, no drama, it’s just the truth.
We were binded by the single goal
Now, there’s nothing to bind
Nothing to hold.

III
It’s not a goodbye, it’s just a wake up call
I know you’re busy, but I just needed to say
Maybe in time, when no one’s plastic, and everyone cares.
Maybe in time, when no one’s scared and no one’s different.

Maybe in time, we’ll be real friends again.
Maybe in time, when everything’s well for everyone.
Maybe in time, our Pangasinan trip will actually happen.
Maybe, when you’ve finally met the real me.

You don’t get it, I know you don’t.
Pondering, you must be thinking I’m drunk and all.
No beers, no tears, just a moment of truth and frank.
Too bad, it’s not the case anymore.

IV
She’s so plastic, I can see through her.
He’s such a flirt, yet he thinks he’s a good boy.
He thinks he’s so cool, but inside, he’s just an ordinary kid
She’s so high class, her past can be a bother.
Everyone thinks she’s great and all,
But when her friends fall down and crawl,
She’s gone like the wind
Unless she’s got a problem of her own.
He’s hiding a secret and doesn’t want anyone to know
But he’s so transparent and yet trusts the wrong people
For social’s sake and for the sake of love.
He’s so silent, but he’s hiding himself.
He’s so simple, yet dreams so big.
The other speaks English so well
He’s changed to get into the circle
But he knows what he wants and refuses to see
She’s such a kid, but you never know.
She’s a better person yet, doesn’t have a clue.
He’s a cool guy, yet he tries too hard.
He’s got the looks but too much of a good boy
And the last, found someone yet seems to still be in search.

V
I may be right, I may be wrong.
That’s what I saw the last I was there.
Do you even remember the date?
Because I don’t.

I don’t want to remember anymore
The times we shared, those fake smiles, and backstabbing lies
I don’t want to remember anymore
The laughter, the teases, the sweet pictures taken.
I don’t want to remember anymore
Not because it’s wrong
But it’s a part of me, that’s not supposed to be.
I don’t want to remember anymore
The days I spent studying for that stupid test
I don’t want to remember anymore
The pain I felt with that red circle.
I’m letting go of all the pain I felt
The person I was, the person I wasn’t supposed to be
That was she, in the almost 2 years we spent.

Now, she’s gone. You won’t find her here.
She’s ready to move on.
She’s ready to stand up
She’s ready to go…
And she’s ready to let go…

VI
It’s not a good bye, it’s just a wake up call
To tell you what you should know.
To give you a chance to understand
What happened and where’d your friend go.

In light of the return of my favorite series, here’s a poem for Supernatural’s new character… the devil himself.

Lucifer